10 things nervous co-workers can’t hear right now
March 5, 2009 by Shane BorerPosted in: "Seemed like a good idea at the time", Special report
With everyone a little worried about their jobs, hearing these once-innocent phrases could put them into an all-out panic.
People are more sensitive than ever about what their bosses and co-workers say in the office. Even things that would come up in casual conversation are being placed off-limits to keep office sanity.
Humor site BuzzWhack has compiled a list of the top ten words and phrases your co-workers absolutely cannot hear right now. What’s being said might mean one thing, but what people will actually understand it to mean is something entirely different:
- “Because of the turmoil in the capital markets …” — Anything with “turmoil” and “capital” just makes people think about what used to be in their 401(k)s.
- “We’re not planning layoffs — but there will be massive restructuring.” — It sounds so much better when you put it like that.
- “Can we talk?” — Even things like “Let’s chat for a second” sound just as bad. Even worse: Starting it off with an impersonal tap on the shoulder.
- “Don’t view this as a problem — see it as an opportunity.” — One that you can take all the time in the world to work on since you’ll be leaving us.
- “They’re cramming everyone together in the conference room for a 4 p.m. meeting.” — There’s no better way to ring in the weekend than nervously sitting with all your co-workers.
- “I’ve always thought of us as family around here.” — But if it comes down between firing you or my mother/brother/daughter, you’d better start packing up your desk.
- “You’re a great team-player, but …” — Any compliment followed by a “but” means something bad will follow it. See also: “With all due respect …”
- “Maintaining the status quo isn’t an option anymore.” — When your boss has to use a dead language to explain something, you can bet it’s going to be devastating news.
- “Your performance review is coming up, isn’t it?” — Nothing puts co-workers on the defensive like having to justify how well (or poorly) they’re doing their jobs.
- “We need to refocus and concentrate on our core business.” — That usually means the company’s going back to the way it was before an employee was hired.
Are there any phrases in your workplace that have recently become off-limits? Do you have even more things that should be kept mum? Share them in the comments section below.
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Tags: 401(k), Layoffs, Office sanity, Team-player, Top Ten
March 6th, 2009 at 1:44 pm
This week at the plant my husband works at they had a 7am meeting for everyone to be told it is closing 370+ out of work. Good Morning to you
March 6th, 2009 at 2:50 pm
Sorry to hear that, B Harnois. I hope you land on your feet.
lb
March 6th, 2009 at 3:25 pm
Our production area (30+ employees) just got the # 8, above, earlier this afternoon, along with a cut from eight hours/day to six. At least they still have jobs . . . for now.
March 6th, 2009 at 3:34 pm
And if you hear the following – grab a couple of empty file boxes before they are all gone!
“Can we talk?” “Your performance review is coming up, isn’t it?” “I’ve always thought of us as family around here” and “You’re a great team-player, but …” “Maintaining the status quo isn’t an option anymore.” “Because of the turmoil in the capital markets …”“We need to refocus and concentrate on our core business.” “We’re not planning layoffs — but there will be massive restructuring.” So “Don’t view this as a problem — see it as an opportunity.” Now I know that “They’re cramming everyone together in the conference room for a 4 p.m. meeting.” So we will talk again right after the meeting.
March 6th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
I hear everyones fears. I feel it even worse with my husband owning his company and I work for him. Not only do we have to worry about our employees, but we also have all our eggs in one basket. If we go out of business we have no money period. You can bet I will be hauling it to the first minimum wage job to get a paycheck ASAP if anything happens.
March 6th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
Carolyn
I’m sorry to say, but I would have to say I will not be here for that 4 p.m. Meeting. You understand, no room in the conference room and I need to find a job before everyone else gets the bad news. LOL
March 6th, 2009 at 4:58 pm
Anything with the phrase “shared sacrifices” will probably not be good either. (it means all of those being shown the door are “sharing” the sacrifice)
Also – “Our investors want us to cut costs” it’s then you realize that you are just a cost to them that can be cut
March 9th, 2009 at 9:18 am
How about “we need to tighten our belts” or “we’re not going down without a fight.” These, and a lot of other trite phrases, come from my boss, who is the 2nd generation family member of a family business started 30 yrs ago. Our inventory and receivables for the past 18 months combined have been less than our payables. Even though I am the controller, it took me over a year to convince him that we were selling the lion’s share of our product at a loss. And, he refused to raise prices any where high enough to sell those products even at cost. We have problems meeting our payroll for 9 months out of the year (we have a seasonal product), much less our payables. Yet, he gave himself a 25% pay raise last year. He also employees his wife, all of his children, their spouses and his brothers children, who all make about 25% more than others who have the same position. While he is one of the owners of the company and has the right to hire family members and pay them what wants, he is running the company into the ground quickly and will put 60 other hard-working employees out of work. Unfortunately for me, there are no job opportunities within a 300 mile radius for me other than starting my own business.
March 9th, 2009 at 11:23 am
Jeez, Lee, yours sounds sort of like the now-defunct company my husband, an Estimator/CSR, left late last year. The second-generation son, aka Operations Manager, ran the 40+ year company right into the ground. The parents had “retired” five years previous, and eventually the son was doing a cash business for a considerable portion of their work – don’t mistake me, the supplies, machine time, etc. was coming out of the company, just the payments for services rendered were in cash. Of course accounting never saw it – it just went into his pocket never to be seen or heard of again. There were also things like new SUV’s, weekend jaunts out west (we’re in Maryland), and an $80k divorce settlement that came through company coffers. Great to be family, huh?
When the parents finally became re-involved, it was with an alternating mantra of “I’m afraid we’re going to have to close the doors.”, (devastating news the first time you hear it, not so much by the sixth or seventh time in less than a year) to “We’re going to pull together and make this work.” This went on for eleven months, during which time my husband had tried to bring the improper practices regarding receivables and bookkeeping to light. It’s more than a little difficult, however, when it’s the owner’s only kid (kid = 38 years old!?!) and they don’t really want to acknowledge the problem.
In the six years my husband worked there, they went from almost thirty employees down to three, my husband, a pressman, and the “kid”. Eventually, the business went under, but not without many tearful pleas to my husband like “You’ve got to hang on with us. Without you we’ll go down for sure.” and “We wouldn’t still be operating if it wasn’t for you. You can’t leave us.”
Talk about emotional blackmail! It’s nice to know you’ll be the last to go, but come on! He needed to start looking for another position, but was so wracked from their guilt trip that he was paralyzed, torn between commitment to his job and responsibility to his customers, to major resentment for being placed in an untenable position through no fault of his own while basically being told that if the company now failed, it would somehow be his fault.
I now know that this type of “company line” is much worse than just making the difficult decision to fold, then telling your workers truthfully that this is the end. He had no blood ties to this family company, yet it was somehow all up to him to save it once the “kid” had run it into the ground. Sad all the way around. My husband was lucky and landed an excellent position in the same field just a week before they finally folded. We’re just really thankful that he landed on his feet, for now anyway.